He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
