I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
