I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
