My hand turned me down
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
