Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
