I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i permit you to call me
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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