I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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