and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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