Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
