We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
