My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
