i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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