He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
