All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Soap is not a condiment
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
