thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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