I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
