So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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