Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
