I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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