I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
