I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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