Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
