i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
