His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
