It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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