You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
