I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
