Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
