the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was born a porn star she said
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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