guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
