you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My vagina just recognized that song.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
