He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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