How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
