My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
