also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
