Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
