woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
