Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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