Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Barsexuality is the new black.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
