Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
