I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
