Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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