so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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