I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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