He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
