I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
