Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
