Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
