he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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