Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
