you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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