my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
