So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize