I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
