I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
