I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
