I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
