god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I stole a fireplace last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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