OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
