i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
