I met the friendliest cop last night
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize