the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
