ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
