I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize