The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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