Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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