uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize