i think my mom watched the whole time
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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