New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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