So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize