too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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