I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
