I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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